LIBRARY OF CONGRESS. 



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UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. 







M. F. BENTLEY. 



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atl ilau on f!Tte #attm, 



BY 



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IIjIjiXJiST3El.-A-*X"JtSI>. 



Herald Print; Potsdam, N. Y. 






Kiitort'd ;icc(»r(lii)«;- to Ad of ('onorcss, 
in the yvixr 1^5. })y M. V. JJextley, in 
the <inic(' of tlic Librarian of Tongress. 
at Washiiiutoii, All IJiyiit^ liesorvcd. 



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POEM 







.JT '• 



PFIEFACE 



To my fellow Fanners and the Pul)]ie in general I dedicate this 
"Little Work, "with a hope, though preliaps born of weakness, that it 
merits a share of public patronage. And as T take this tiny "Craft" 
from the work shop of my mind, as I loosen the moorings that have 
held it at' 'Home," and push it out as it were upon the sea of minds, 
unfurl its sails to be caught by the l)reezcs of pul)licJapprobation ; lam 
well aware that the same canvas thus spivad may be met with the ad- 
verse winds of public criticism. But whether it shall make a success- 
ful voyage, be wafted by propitious breezes, oi- whether it will be 
swamped among the angry billows of public condemnations, now re- 
mains with itself. As with the material ship, it remains to its con- 
sti-uction, the Captain and his Crew. The Sailors on board this 
"Craft" are all ', Jolly Country Lids" their duties their pleasures, 
their wit, are of the Farmer kind. The Pictures hung in its State 
Rooms and along its Dining Hall are Home and Country scenes. Its 
Cabin is furnished and decorated in a rustic manner. On the center 
table lays "God's Word" untrammeled by any Sect, which I trust is 
the Chart by which She sails, aufl thus I "Launch Her" upon the 
Groat Ocean of Human Minds, asking the kind forbearance of an 
indulgent public 

M. F. B. 



ARGUMENT. 

The scene of this Poem may be supposed to have 
happened on any New England Farm, in the month 
of .Tnly, and in Haying Time. The time occupied is 
one day of twenty-four hours, commencing with the 
setting of the sun in the evening, and ending with 
the going down of the same the followinc^ nis^ht. 



BAD DAY ON THE FAKM. 



It was in July and haying time 

Just at the close of day, 

I bad fed tlie pigs and done the chores 

And tnrned the cows away; 

I says to wife, "Tomorrow morn 

At i)reciselv four by the clock, 

I mnst make a break and not be late 

Fori have lots of hay in the cock." 

I went to bed and liowl dreamed 
I dreamed in ryhme and prose, - 
I scarcely got any rest at all 
For fear I would over doze; 
It was the .very longest night ; 
Would morning never come? 
I laid on one side and said, "0, Dear!" 
On tbe other and said, "I Vum!" 

The alarm went off and up I sprung 
All in the twinkle of an eye; 
Put on my pants, my boo's, my hat, 
Went out and viewed the sky; 
I whistled for my sheplierd dog 
But at my caUhe did not come, 
So for the cows I scampered off 
On a dog ti'ot, — a fanner's run. 



10 



I found them all within the lot, 
But scattered they were all over, 
And bent on feeding to the last 
As if they were in clover. 
1 ran around tlie whole outside 
Like the Cow boA's on the plains, 
But ere I had started one a rod 
She went to feeding again. 

how I hollered! how I yelled! 
Until my throat was sore, 

1 thought of every-thing that's had 
(Forgive me if I swore.) 

And when I had them in the barn 
And all securely tied, 
I found that one was missing still 
So off for her I hied. 

And at the very farthest end 

bless her peaceful soul, 

A restino; in the fullest content 

She lay behind a knoll. 

"Get up Old Brin! you lazy scamp! 

1 know^ you are somcAvhat lame, 
But you must hustle to the barn 
For I see it looks like rain." 

Now when them cows they all were milked 
And we our breakfast had ate, 
I saw by glancing at the clock 
That we were two hours late. 



11 



I said to Dan, my right hand man, 
"Now catch them horses quick, 
I saw them when I got tlie cows, 
They are down there h}^ the creek." 











" Get ii}> old Brill, you lazy scamp." 



Now Dan spoke up and tliiis he said; 
"I know I should have told, 
I hroke the wagon tongue last night 
But was afraid that you would scold. 
"I Avill send ri^-ht over to the Deacon's 
And get his wagon if I can, 
lie's got two, he will lend us one; 
For he is a very clever man." 



Back came Dan without the nags, 
His face was looking tragic. 
"They are not there I do declare 
It heats the furies maoric." 



12 



Cries I, "It does beat Father Time 
It beats all places hot, 
Pox take their jumping hides! 
They are in the Deacon's lot." 

We finally got them jumping nags, 
We borrowed the wagon too, 
Our Ilay-rack would not tit it, 
But then we made it do, 
Already we were, and about to start, 
When up came neighbor Fjy, 
And Oh! his anger it was hot. 
And his wrath was boiling high. 

"/5 that your dogV he yelled in tones 
That caused my soul to wonder, 
''The Miserf'ble Whelp! the WhmJfif/ Cut 
Oh Lightiiinri! Biixeii^! Thiwifn!'' 
'^Yes that's my dog my neighbor dear, 
Now what have you to say? 
At least the tax upon that dog 
For years I have had to pay. 

*^Yes, that's the color, black and white, 
Yes, that's the dog as sure as death, 
There is no mistake, I have it right, 
He soon will die for want of breath." 
"Now neighbor Fry ain't you a man?. 
Don't vent your spite upon that dog 
For if you do, I swear to you, 
"Y^ou'll lay beside him like a log." 



. r 



13 



^^Ile has cliased my sheep, and tore their \viH>i 
Tlie iainl)sare foi' their mother crying, 
But ahxs for them, and alas for her, 
She is somewhere dead or dying 
And I will kill that dog upon the sjiot. 
Or I will some future day, 
Unless you settle up this hash 
And the damage quickly pay." 

"Now if that dog your sheep has chased 

I will tell vou how to manatee. 

When you have well made out your case, 

Why then I'll pay the damage. 

Stop swearing here till the air is blue 

With oaths that nuike me quiver, 

Take my advice and hie you home. 

Take something for 3'our Un i\. 

Drive on the team and let them zip, 
We can wait for no more s[)nttering," 
And as we iiew, the wind it hlew 
The echo of his muttering. 
The wind it blew a perfect gale 
From the south it came direct, 

You could scarcely land a forkful 1 
Without its being wrecked. 

A spiteful gust it took my hat 
T thought I would have to yield, 
When next I saw that hat of mine 
It was clear across the field. 



u 



It needed a School House fall of boys 
To hold that hay in place, 
It needed the arm of Hercules 
With Sampson's for a l)race. 

We finally got what we called a load 

But what a horrid thing, 

It looked like a March Day on a spree 

The wildest day in Spring. 

Would we ever land it in the barn? 

Was no question for a jury, 

But whether we had strength enough 

To war against this fury. 

For it hung all over on one side, 

Like a wasp's nest on a tree, 

And looked hke a Hedgehog just returned 

From a Hedgehog bum or spree. 

Now Han I'll carefully drive the team. 

You boost from the leeward side, 

And we will do our level best 

To homeward make it ride. 

Slowly we moved and careful too, 
I had the best of a team. 
In the wind there was a gentle lull 
There was hope for us it seemed. 
When all at once came a sudden jog, 
And then a tremendous slide, 
And that hay it lay upon the ground 
.\nd I lay by its side. 



15 



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SO 

£3 







1 picked me up, I stared around. 

But I saw no stalwart Dan, 

Nor was he anywhere to be found 

Around all that count raband. 

I heard a low and moaning sound. 

It came from near my feet, 

And when I had my Dan dqg out 

He was as white as a sheet 



16 



Just tlien my Wile came running out 

Came running down the lane, 

Cries she: "Tlie c-ows they have all got out 

They are trani; ing down the grain. 

The wind has blown the fence all down 

It is flat, as griddle cakes. 

There is nothing to hinder their getting out" 

Cries I, "Confound their Pates!" 

'^Dan, to the hain you take the team 

And we them cows will chase" 

Dan was muttering Nouns and Adjectives 

All in the Ohjective Case. 

The Adjectives we I'e Proper 

If used in a proper ^qw^q, 

l>ut the way tliat J)an cond)ined them 

Tlieieaie some who'd tids:e offence. 

T.ast Winter I rea<l a Pa})er 

rt was of a modern farming tone, 

It advised tlie freer use of hrains 

To sax'e oui* nniscle and hone. 

Tt told of a new horn Oat 

As yet, hut little known to fame 

It told of its egregious weight 

And the nrodiii-ions vield of the same. 

It ffave the name of a '4\artv" 
WIjo resided in a distant State, 
Tliat they invited correspondence 
And for "orders" they did "wait." 



17 



It told the price we would liave to pay 
By the bushel it was a V, 
And though at first it might seem large 
That ill the end we'd "see." 

Theie would he money in the '^project" 

It would increase a thousand fold, 

That "Nothino; ventured, nothinij: u-ained" 

Was an adage true^ if old, 

And Avhen the "neighbors" saw tliem "Oats" 

And how stout tliat they did grow 

They would Avant them all for seed next "Spring'' 

They would "Buy tliem in the bknv." 

The argument was convincing 

To me I ch) confess, 

I wrote: "You may send to me a busliel 

You may send it by 'Express' 

I do not know your Com[)any 

Nor neither (h) you know me, 

And for mutual good and suiety 

You may mark it C. O. D." 

Now when that l^>ill I came to pay 

You may bet I was perplexed, 

P\)r instead of little over V 

It took most all an X. 

I took my Chemistry from the shelf 

And said, "Good Bye, to aches and pains 

Let others use their muscle and born^ 

But I will use my brains." 




18 




X 



T found tliei'eiii tliat our Kartli was made 

Of many a Latin word, 

That when the soil was minus one 

To ti'y a ('r()[) it was absurd. 

I found tliat tlie soil that I did till 

Ma!ii[»ulated, handled, worked, 

Was composed of niany Chemicals 

I always 'sposed 'twas "dii't." 



19 



And if the Lord who made oiii' Earth 
T ad left some part undone, 
Been partial to some certain spot 
And 8li<i,'hted some other one, 
It hecame my duty as a man 
Of a niodei'ning farmini^^ tone, 
T()SU[)ply tliat part with my own liand 
With Guano and Dust of Bone. 

I learned that the stuff that adhered to my Itoots 
And which at home I tracked u[)on the lioor, 
And Avhich My Wife had said; " \V<(s im/d'^ 
I found was something more, 
That if exposed to heat and lain 
And the action of the frost 
And the sn[tplying. of some "certain part" 
That had l)y chance been lost, — 

That I could obtain far better croj:;s 
With these hel|S at command. 
Than to take it in its natural state 
As it rolled from God's own Hand, 
And I made a vow rii»ht then and theie 
And l)y that vow I swore, 
I would give them oats the xoiy hest spot 
That I could lind out door. 

I would lind a spot wheie Natuic had 
Her very tinest done, 
And then with art I'de fix it u[» 
'Till it was Number One. 



20 



T would get inaniire of Modern Stamp 
Those ^'Patented Eiglity-FouiV 
I would get Guano from the Isles 
And Sea-Weed from the Shore. 

r searched my farm trom end to end 
.\hide Chemical tests of the same, 
And found the very richest spot, 
For growing high priced grain. 
I measured off just eighty rods 
For this my Baht/ PM^ 
It was in the very farther end 
Of my most farther lot. 

And on one pleasant afternoon 

Quite early in the season, 

I committed them oats to Mother Faith 

And then commenced to reason. 

I figured up manure and cash, 

My lahor with Uiuscle and hone. 

And then threw into the conmion sum 

My brain work, 'twas my own. 

And I thought so then and I have from hence 

And I do as I write these lines, 

That instead of sowins; common i^-rain 

I was scattering silver dimes. 

But if they only hore their fruit 

That lucre for which we strive, 

Then I'd be glad, tliat I'd complied 

With what was Advertised. 



21 



The clouds descended, the showers came 

The sun gave down its light, 

And with Nature's elements all comhined 

Them oats soon hove in sight. 

When first I saw them peeping up 

It was early in the morn, 

I says to Wife when I Avent up 

That my ' Pet CliihC is born. 

And day hy day this ^' Bahi/^^ grew, 

In figure I rocked it too and fro, 

And when I had nothins^ else to do 

I stood and watched it grow. 

I thought so then and I think so now 

As I this subject throtle, 

If I am permitted the" figure of speach, 

I brought it up on the "Bottle." 

I hung around this sequestered spot 
It was my souls enchanter, 
I showed it to my many guests 
And with them all did banter. 
I saw it last on yesters eve 
And it was well appearing, 
Tall and stout, with color good 
Just putting on "Head-Gearing." 

That Chiy it died— at 10 to-day 
It was Murdtr in the First Degree^ 
Crushed to death, by the teeth and feet 
Of thirty cows on a spree. 



99 



Yes, cruelly murdered, cut off from life 
In the pride of Youth and Promise, 
And when Dan and I arrived on the scene 
I was hoth mad, and astonished. 



.^^ 




t^'|'f^^J'!iiii'ia 



2:r.^iiil'^r Jfift 



V 







Tliere stood those thirty murderers 



23 



With eve-balls o-lariuo; wild. 

As if a 2:loatiiii»: oe'r the wreck 

Of this mj own '' /'it Child y 

They passed through clover of inviting sweet 

^Y grain of the common kind, 

But never stopped until they reached 

This enchanted ^^spot" of mine. 

Yes there upon them "Eighty Kods"' 
Them thirty murderers stand, 
But every spark of life has fled, 
There is nothing left, but the land. 
Now up and down that lot tliey fly 
Those breakers of the law, 
Pursued by men and dog in haste 
Oh how they all did claw? 

They ran, they cantered, they galloped 

With their tails swung in the wind, — 

They looked like a wild herd on the plain 

Pursued with fire behind. 

Yes up and down that lot they flew 

In a w^ild chaotic prance. 

And the tune to which they all kept ste]) 

Was the same the Wild Men dance. 

Yes up and down that field they went 
They knew where they got in; 
They could not see it now you know. 
That's just the way with sin. 



24 



They flew like ^'demons" at the stakes 
As if they owed them spite. 
Took on their horns a wad of hay, 
As they ran onward in their flight. 

I chased them '^nnrderers" till I tired 

My hreath was almost gone, 

And then from dire exhaustion 

Sank down u[>on a stone. 

And when I had well caught niy hreatli 

So I could my thou«:hts direct, 

I think they'd went unto the had 

Had the good not hehl them in check. 

1 thought of all the swear words 

That in ni}- life I'd heard, 

I hope I did not say them 

I ''do u[)on \\\\ word." 

I rather think I did not, 

But the tongue is an unruly memher 

I am somewhat like the "Bad Boy," 

I do not now rememl)or. 

Now wlien we liad them ^'culprits" jailed 

Put u[) their prison hars 

The bell had rung fordinncr twice 

I feared domestic jars: 

For if there's anvthinii: in tliis world 

That makes mv i^-ood wife scold 

It's waiting dinner for a time 

Till evervthiiiiT is cold. — 



25 







Now who is that a tiirnnio; hi, 

A trotting up the drive? 

It is Pars(jii L.^I'll het my hoots, 

It is as I am ahve. 

The iniserahle V^ — why did lie come? 

When the weather is so tine, 

His husiness conkl as well be done 

In not so hurrvin"' a time. 



''Very glad to see yon Paison L., 

Although I may he a sinner, 

Just put your horse right in the barn 

And stop with ns to dinner." 

"It can't l)e noon," the Parson said. 

And his eyes they flashed amaze. 

Then from his pocket drew his watch, 

Then to the sun did 2:aze. 



26 




"TlicTi from his pocket drew his watch, 
Then to the sun did gaze." 

OhI Time flies fast in these liglitninii; times, 

In these fast living days," 

And the smiles danced on his })leasant face 

Like the white caps on the waves. 

'^ Yes I'll take you at yonr word 

And to "dinner" with you stay, 

Just throw the horse a peck of oats 

You need not mind the hav." 



My Wife came out upon the stoop, 
She said not a word I think, 
But quicker than a flash of light 
She cauii'ht mv Httle '^wink." 



27 



I kept the Parson from the house 
I showed him the calves and pig, 
While my Wife she' shuffled into 
A cleaner and hetter rig. 

I showed him the fine points of my nags 
Told the feats that they'd perform, 
And the number of years that had lied by 
Since them two nags were born. 
While in the house the dishes flew 
Old table-cloth and all, 
These being replaced by better ones 
In honor of this call. 

I told him that near nag of mine 

In a race had been a winner, 

And was interrupted in my tale 

By a call of Wife to dinner. 

When all were seated round the "board" 

I gave the Parson a nod. 

And he proceeded in a solemn tone 

Returning thanks to God. 

When our repast was ended 

I felt I could not wait, 

I thought I'd take my usual smoke, 

Asked the Parson to '^partake." 

"IN'o, thank you friend, I do not smoke 

Narcotics I do not need, 

No, for their use, I've no excuse. 

It would be sowing '^'bad seed." 



28 



Now, while you enjoy this pleasure, 

Draw solace from the ^^weed," 

I'll discourse to you a spell 

About thiuii^s I think we need. 

It may not be a personal sin 

For you to enjoy your smoke. 

But there are weaker brethren in the hue 

That cannot stand the stroke. 

And when once their appetites are 'roused 

There is created a burning thirst, 

That will not quench until they pass 

From bad unto the worst. 

Through all my lite I haye observed 

Among all its whirl or din 

That ^vhat's an innocent pleasure to one 

To another may be a sin. 

I think 'twould bo by iartbe best 
Tofaliill the la\y t<> the "letter/' 
And that we should let this pleasure ^j^o 
For others it would be better. 
Now Farniei' I), you liaye pi"ospered 
By the tilling;: of the sward. 
Now he that 'giyeth to the poor 
But lendeth to the Lord.' 

There are many people in the world 
To whom tlie "Word" was never preached 
There are man}- people on this earth 
The Bi])le has not reached. 



29 



The Word of God it teaches 
And the mandate it is strong, 
That the good has got to conquer 
And must supplant the wrong. 

This world of ours is heautiful 
Which tlie Lord our Grod has given, 
.\nd promised if we are dutiful 
We shall live with him in Heaven. 
And one of our duties here to do 
Is to help His noh!e Cause, 
And snatch as many as we can 
From sins most raecii'ed iaws. ' 

The peo[)le here upon this plain 
Their old Church now do rue, 
And think of erecting in its place 
One that's good and new. 
We cannot huild tliis church with faith, 
We cannot make it of prayer, 
But we must have the sohd cash; — 
Now have you some to spare? — 

For just as true, as the sky ishlue, 

And drops do form the river, 

Blessings pure, that will endure 

Shall he the reward of the giver. 

Though you don't train under our Sectional Flag 

Your aims are for the right, 

And I have no douht, but you are on your route 

To Heaven's Mansions bright. 



so 



T think it would Ije by far the best 

If you would join (uir Army Coqise 

And nmrcli witli us to tlie home of tlie jus.t 

Far away on tlie other shoi'e. 

Now Farmer D, Ujum tliese points 

I vvisii you wouhl speak your mind, 

And tell me true, how it is with you 

And how you are inclined." 

f 

I laid my pipe upon the slielf 
And then I sx-ratched my head, 
And jismy thoughts came to me 
Itinally spoke and said: 
"[ believe in the Gospel Banner 
Thouo-h r don't live np to the text. 
And that the God who made tliis world 
l>id als) make the next. 

That we all have duties here to do 
Thjit we shoidd try and ^vell perform 
And make it our aim to Heaven gain 
And es/ape the [)lace that's ^'//v/rm." 
And to cany on this Gospel Work 
It takes the cash T am well aware, 
And as our Father deals Avith us 
With Tlim we ouicht to share. 



That the man that preaches the Word 
Says mass and makes a prayer. 
Has got a stomach like myself 
And cannot live on air. 



81 



And lik(^ me he is also human 
And with the flesh he has to light, 
And that he makes his 'Mittle mistakes'' 
While trviniJ' to serve the iii2:ht. 

I hardly think there is any Sect 

That controls this '-{r/v^// 'rhintafl, /.v'y?r," 

Or has any special hargam made 

Forniakinir '^<inicker time." 

I hardly think theie '.s any Sect 

That owns a Palace Cai", 

That will carry its memhers to Heaven's gate-s 

AVithout a single jar. 

I hai'dly think there is a'ly Train 
That runs upon the Kail, 
But if it travels hy the ( 'h'lri 
That Heaven's Hosts will hail. 
Ihardiy think theie is ;my Train 
When all its passengeis are in, 
But has on hoard with all its good 
Some of Adam's sin. 

I don't helieve their is any Train 
That on tliis Track should run, 
That carries only the grea.t in mind 
And slights the little ojie. 
I don't helieve u[)on tliis Ti'ack 
And it seems its clear enough. 
That the^'Eugine" makes the (piickcst time 
That has the loudest \)\\^\ 



32 



I don't believe upon this Track 
And it is very plain I ween, 
That the '-Enirine is the stronsrest 
That has the loudest scream. 



■^j 



111 




I beheve that every '^Sleeper'" on this Route 



33 



No iiuitter to wliat Train hitched, 
Before it arrives at the end of the Line 
Will from the Track he switched. 

r helieve that the Lord who sui-veyed this Hoiire 

And superintends this Line, 

Will see tliat eveiy Train that runs 

Shall make its ))roiier time. 

Nor is tliere any [>asseni>:er 

Wlio has a |)ass cleai- thiouo-h, 

But if he disoheys the rules 

Tt will he cancelled ere he is duo. 

That the passeno-er wlio pays his fare, 
TLis liis tickets "]>roi)erly punched," 
Will find at the Loi'd's tahle a chair, 
And ^'milk and lioney" for lunch. 
That payino; tlie fare is "doiui;- i-io'lit," 
That tlie "checks" ai e tlie witnesses withiTi, 
Ihat he has [tassed from "deatli to life 
Been freed tVom oii.;'i!ial sin. 




"1 boliove this track whi(!h Moses laid, 
And which our Savior did repair. 



34 



I believe this track whicli Moses laid. 
And which our Savior did repair, 
Ts the only way that we ai'e sure 
Will ever lead us "There/' 
If there's an entrine on this line. 
And there are some, T ween. 
That has not cajtacity enoui»:lr 
For making snthcient steam; — 

It had better be voted tVom the Tnhk 
As a "shiii-irMrd" and a '-hai-mer," 
And would better sei'Ne the hunun race 
As a ditt her oi- n fari^.er. 




It had better Ix' votod frrrrn the track 
Asa "slu'i^ii'in'd" and a ''fiarincr," 
And would better serve tlie liuiiiari race 
As a ditehei- or a fanner. 



35 



N()vv% F^irso]! L.. take no offense 
At what to you I've said, 
We all have got onr duties to do, 
We all have crot to be fed. 

Some are called to preach the Woid, 
Some ill the busy marts to stand, 
And S'>me to settle up the feuds. 
While others till the land. 
Some there are who have nothing to do. 
And I am sometimes led to think 
That their only special caUing is 
To gape, and stretch, and blink. 

Now, Parson L., when you've been the round* 

Of your own })ai'ticular sect, 

And in the end you lack a bit, 

Why, then I'll draw my ''check." 

I am willing to do what ere is right 

To help this noble catise. 

For I believe it's the corner stone 

Of all good and noble laws, 

''Now, Farmer I)., I agree with thee 

In many things you say. 

But there are some, I vow! T vum! 

I see in a diff'erent w^ay. 

I Avont stop now to argue these. 

For I must wend my way. 

But, perhaps, dear sir, the time may occur 

When I'll have more to sav. 



36 



Accejtt my tluiiiks my Honoied Host 

And alx.nit that matter yon s; oko, 

From what Vvo lieard, I'd as soon have your' word 

As your ^-Promise to jiay'" ma note. 

Nhiy the hlessinirs of Heaven shine on yon. 

May your labors he met with reward, 

May you enjoy this hte in full measure 

And in the end find a home with the Lord.'" 

Dan had -the Parsons riji; to the dooi-, 

For a moment he did l(»iter, 

Then stannneriuir unto Dan he said: 

•"Did you ii'i\e the lioise some wntei?" 

Dan in tlie afhrmativc did lej-ly, 

A sniile [.laved round tlu' Pa i Son's face. 

He iuittoned his duster good and hiu'h 

And into liis u'iu" he jum[ed with i^'race. 

I!r j.uiU'd tlie lap r<»h(3 u[) in front 

In the k'Tt hand held the rt'in, 

'i hen tuincd his eye, ira/A'd at tiie sky 

And ieii;ai ked, "It looks like rain."' 

'I hen with his wliip, iraVL' 'lit' lioiso a v\\\> 

'I Ikmi utteicd a solemn, '•Stc'a<iyl Whoa!" 

1 hen wa\ed liis hand, and touched his hat 

And howcd a kind "Good Dav." 



It w;is half past two, wlien tlie Parson went 
And waved his iarewell adieu; 
P)Ut {'/<> think, that Parsons s' A o^^/^/ ihink 
When "HayiniT Time" is due, 



37 



And take to themselves a vacatkm 
Ketire to Nature's charmino: bower. 
Drink in her inspiration true. 
To use in some dark liour. 

"'Now Dan it* you evev made a motion 
Since you hjive lived with me, 
Hiteh up them horses lively 
And about that hay we'll see." 
Theie comes my favorite Peddler 
All prepjired a tirade -^to whack," 
With iifty [Kxinds in either liand 
And twice that numl)er on his back. 

He thiidvs that labor is a sin 

That a fai-mer is a [.1 odder 

And with his i)ack stra[)ped on hie back 

He tries to get his fodder. 

He would not [tlough, hoe nor mow, 

He thinks it allied with trouble, 

But makes a freight car of himself 

Till he is bent up double. 

And when adding up within his mind 

His many little gains, 

He gives no credit to muscle and bone, 

But ascribes it all to brains. 

How are you? Mr. Peter Pulkahetzel I 

But I had almost rather be bounced, 

In fact, be hung, than with the English tongue 

To try and your name pronounce. 



88 



'^OTi! tlie W()i-I(l moves fairly on vid me^ 

I lune no cause for complain; 

I makes my leetle trades eacli day, 

And makes my leetle i^ains. 

Do you vant any i^-oods to-day ? 

I'll sell them very scheep, 

For I have a "Tiir' that's vallinu' due. 

And vhich I vants to meet. 

" I ho't these ii;<^<><1s of a Bankrupt Firm 

For a leetle ot nothini;, suie, 

They are i^oot to vear; they will not teai-, 

I'll warrant 'em to enduie." 

'' Oli! Trade witli the woiium if you can, 

For I've no time to linger, 

And then I whis[)ered unto wife 

'' Don't huy anything, hy ginger!" 

Here comes the Butclni- looking for hecf. 

The red faced jolly clown, 

lie is coming n-av to huy that cow 

I si)()kc al)i>ut when at town. 

^'Well how is it with thee, Mr. Farmei- D. 

And how ahout that co\^'? 

As I was <roin<r hv, I thoui^^ht I'd try 

If I could huy lier now." 

"Oh! Drive on your nag, and call again, 
I have no time to dicker, 
I would no.t stop now to sell a cow 
Not even if it was mv "kicker." 



89 




CJC 



"^'Beef s oi) the dcmnward slide my friend 
I sup[)(ise yon well do know, 
It's not woith now into a cent a jxmnd 
What it was a week, ago." 



40 



Here conies a man a selling tin 

To barter tor co})[)er and rai:;8, 

And by tbe way we look, we'll be mistook. 

He wifl liave us all in bairs. 

Just tben tbe niaid cjime to tbe door 

In a dress of old -'Dolly Varden." 

Cries sbe, "Vourpiirs aie danciiiii; jiij;s, 

x\ll over tbe bjsl of y ):i;' i^ii'de »."' 

"Come Peddlei" of tin and notions too, 

Come Bute-ber and let us try, — 

Ob I bate a bog! Come bere my dog, 

Let us i2:et tliem iiiL!:sin tbe stv." 

In tbe Englisb tongue, tbeie aie no woids 

To express tbe noise tbem pigs did make; 

l>ut peal oti [leal of territbc squeals 

Did tbrougb tbe aii' vibrate. 

[)n tbe waves of tlie wind, tlie fearful din 

Did float away into space, 

Wbile tbe yelling ot* men atul tbe l)aik of dog 

Did I'ollow (piick in i>a* e. 

On eacb wave of tbe breeze, went a wlice and ;i 

wbeeze' 
Witb a gi'oan, a grunt and an I"g! 
While eacb [»ig faced about presenting bis snout 
To be bit o\\ tbe end witb a club. 

I know tbat tbe Ci-eator of All Good 

In bis works never used any "Sboddy," 

But for all I bavc said, it seems a bog's bead 



41 




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Is oil tlie wronir end of its Ixxly. 

For l)ackvvar(l tlicv we-it, vvliut ere tliuii- intciit 

Till they l):icke(l clcjir into tlie [)eii, 

And wlicn tlioy weiv there, by their acts did 

declare 
How came we liere? and wlien? 



42 



I hardly could sec in iny lit'o Itcfore 

How the Devils entered the swine, 

l>nt now I'm content, they certainly went 

In ohediance to tliat summons iJirnK. 

And tliougli we are intoinied in Si-riiihiral Lore 

That thejn swine nm into tlie sea, 

And of tlie (h'vilisli i»ack ne'er one caine Imc'c 

Oh how c'lm all this this he? 

For whatever with swine y«>n \va\v to (h> 

Be your actions i^'ood or evil, 

They will pay you hack in e\ eiy act 

As it possessed of the 1) . 

Xow I understand that s lyin;^- of old, 
"As cotiti'ary as a hog on ice," 
And can plainly see, it will lasting he 
As, So Bossy! So- o! Hoist! 

"I thank you fi lends each and all 

For the service yrw ha\e gi\eii, 

Thu.s in helping another, out of a hother 

You lia\e fulfilled the Law of Heaven. » 

As you each ply well yoin- S[ ecial trade 

May |)lenty crown your store, 

You have my good will, tliat 3'our money till. 

Mav he full and i unninir oe'r. 



Ah! lleie comes a stranirer throuiili the <i:ate 
With i)ortly look, -aye grand, — 
Witli massive hrow and comely shape 
And gloves upon his hanck 



43 



"Good Day, my fVieiid! Do T now addiess 
Mr. Fanner D. Ins lionored self?" 
"Yon have that honor, if it an lionor he 
Though with tlie honored I'm only an elf." 

'•I would like to S[)eak with you my tVieiul 

111 private if you please^ 

And when jilanned ai ight and you join in might 

We will launch it oji the l)reeze." 

'•We will hie to the ham my honored friend 

'Ihe Farmer's "Ofiice" you understand, 

Now make youi'self at home, at ease. 

I am your -^servant" ami at youi* eonnnand." 

"My friends they say, and seem siticere, 
That they think it foi- the puhlie good, 
That 1 should feast for at least a year 
Upon the government's food. 
It is a fact, as you well kno\A-, 
That them old laws our fatheis made 
Aie getting almost ol)S')lete, — 
Thev aie vervoldand staid. 



They need re mod ling, "tixing u[)" 

They are too slow a "team," 

'Jhcy do nt)t with the times keep [)ace 

Of Tele[)hoiie and Steam. 

I feel ordained hy Providence 

'I'hat this is my "special woi'k" 

I have felt its impress ere so long 

That from the "field" I dai'enot shii'k. 



44 



I intend to .enter the Ciinvass 
'^Solely for the [mhh'c l'"oo(]. 
(Aside.) Bnt within [ liave a ''liankt'iinic' 
V^y lis ^'•Statesmen"' understood) 
I will standi hy my "Constituents" 
(Aside.) But the "Lohhy" I admire) 
I will stand hy my "Constituents" 
(Unless there is somethin^• bin — ir. 

I wantyoui- hc'l[»n()W Faimcr I)., 
ThoiiiJ-h vou and t ai*e sri'an_ivis 
\!)d you may het V\\ tiy and s'<in my eye 
For the good < t* all the "G/ani;ei-s." 
Xow will you ii'i\(' me youi' word <»t" honor 
Your lienor as a nuin. 
That yon will help me in tliis matter 
And do whatso'eie you can. 

"Xow Hon. A. I will say to you 
Our Coimtry does stand in nee.l 
Of lemedies that are healiiiii" 
It is late in the day to "hleed," 
lUit in all oui- Natioirs"aihneiits" 
For all of her seeming "ills", 
I think the "/JrWo/w" do her "hleed," 
As often as they give "liealing i)ills/' 



Now in the early days of our Nation's life 
The office songlit the man, 

And there were but few, that made np the erew 
Now styled the "Political Band," 



45 



r)nt in tlic'se days wlion a n()l)le son) 

Sees liis countiy si"()iii;jf to I'uiii, 

And knows tVom that liour, if [tlaced in | ower 

Tie can stay tlie storm that's hrowitiiz;, - 

He ninst have money at his command 

And infhience "liiii'li' [ lemark. 

And son.e to yell -'Sic* Ilim!" '-Sterhoy!" 

And sou.e to i nn and hark. 

lie has !i;ot to '-o/r//" a pack of houmhs 

Stronii' in muscle, mii,'ht and main 

Commanded hy a'diuiitsman tme" 

That knows wlieie to ti'.id the '^ ''ame." 

One that knows well tlie "Innitinsj; ground," 

And the favorite haunts of -'i^'ame," 

If he would have luck, to follow his pluck, 

And wishes to "hole" the sime. 

^(nv, brains ei.ough I have not got 

To help yon pull the w^ire, 

My budget of infinence it is small, 

It will not pay to hiie. 

My pace is slow, at any rate, 

It is only a farmei-'s jog, 

And I cannot see what I can l>e 

Unless I can be your— dog. 

I have barked around the "political stump'" 

When told that there was "game," 

But I'll be bound, some other 'houn<r 

Did always get the same. 



46 




-J-A 



... ... > ^. ^■^^' 



"I have b;H"ke(l anniiid t!u' ••politiciil slump. " 

I have I'oiiulit fur these poHtiral '-hrieks". 
With the s, ill it of a Spartan — aye, ]K>l<lei', 
And was led totliiiik, hy jnoni'sr and irniL\ 
That tliey wonld beiir the .\nhoii on tlmr sh'.Hhii i 
\\q\v lier I'p tlircngli tlie (jna^i's and niiies. 
Stop tlie wastinij: of h^r sweetest sij», 
Aiul hind lierat last, as in a n;other's ii:i"asp, 
\\\ the G<><hl<s-< of Ijfbni'/'s I j). 

{ watched my '-iiuxUd" of pohtical skiH, 
Take tlie Xation on his s^i )u](ler. 
And was [)rond at lieart to see him start, 
Foi' tlie ''Goddess,'' to enfold lier. 
My pulse heat slow, my lieart throhhed lou'. 
-^ s his foi'm heeame unsteady, 
I s iw him reel, slip on I>rihery's '-peel", 
(r() d(>wn in eorrnption's eddy. 



Xo, to yo'i I will mike no promises, 
On my help yoa need not dote; 
But it beloni^sto me, to carefully see 
Where acoes mv honest vote. 



47 




I :. 



y. 



Now, Dan, that hay we now riinst get, 
No rnatter what comes next; 
We nmst not stop, unless we are honght, 
For any slight pretext. 



The liuujs of Ndturr^ wliich had heaNed 
The whole of the live-long dav, 



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And wliicli lind raised partirulai' fits 

Wlioii wc woiv at tlic liay. 

Had (inietod down to tlii-ir -Mioi-inal state" 

And ceased to nioiii and I'let, 

And tlie ''svnihtoms" tliev were very stion »-, 

That Xatuie was about to ^'sweyt." 



49 



For ill the South a hank of clouds 

As hhick as nether doom. 

With lio^htnino' flasli, and then a crash 

Of thunder's fearful bocni, 

Proclaimed to nie, as plain could be 

Without a revelation, 

Tliat the clouds were about to empty out 

On earth their '^perspiration." 

We had that ja*^: re-loaded. 

And we were ready to go; 

The sky was black as dooms-Day — 

Three Dooms-days in a row. 

The drops came down with terrific force 

From Heaven's Hydraulic Ram, 

And it seemed by the roaring, hissing sound 

They had broke away the ''dam." 

Eacli dro[> was a liftle win!n% 

As it struck onr summer ircdi-, 

It made a svow -drift of our feelino-s. 

An icchrrf/ of each hair. 

Into the Ijarn we drove pell mell, 

A yelling like two country l)ricks, 

Ran through an old hen and chickens 

And killed just three of them chicks. 

Down c[ime the rain in toi'rents 
In dr()[:s both large and small, 
It wet the hay and evei'ything 
The eaves were a waterfall: 



50 



I souo:lit my cot in the kitchen 

With feelings any l)ut grand, 

And to ease ni}- pain took the very lirst tinin 

Ti) dreamland's happy land. 

And in that beautiful world of visions 

To my hearts content and delight 

I found they had not a "L>r///" that's ''Bad" 

r>nt one most lovingly bright. 

I thought it was in "Jlaying Time"'" 

Quite early in the morn 

And as I cast mv evci unt<^ the skv 

Thoi'c were no signs of "storms." 

And though the '^\huanai'" it had siid 
"The Sim will rise at half past Four." 
It seemed to me, it was up at Thix-e 
And had opened wide its doC))-, 
Thi'own hack the "shuttei-s" of the night 
Rolled up the "crrtains" high 
And with its radiant l)eams did light 
The whole of the Eastern sky. 

I thought the "cows" came up alone 

Came one hy one to me, 

And stood so still, while my pail did till 

I'd only to look on and see. 

T thought "Old I)i-in" was the first to come 

r thought she was not lame, 

All seemed right, and the sky was bright 

And it did not look like I'ain. 



51 



I thoui^^lit 1113' dog lay close to rue 
All curled up in a little heap, 
And ill dog language seemed to say 
"I have not cliased any sheep." 




;»—— Va-^n Jill ^ 



I thought neighbor F.ry, he was at Iioiik 
And with convulsions did <juivei-, 
I thought the nurse was dosing him 
With medicine for hlsUcer. 



I thought my "nags" came trotting u[t 

All liitched to a new hay rig, 

With Dan, my man, to them command 

While he was dancing a jig. 

I thought the cow^s they grazed around 

And chewed their cuds in the shade, 

Remain d in view, did not fret or stew 

As if thcv thought to aid. 



52 



It seemed the "Peddlers" weut straight by, 

They never look onr way, 

As if thev tlioiri:ht tiiat we had o^ot 

To handle all that ha v. 




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1 rocked niy "Pet diild" some that day, 
Snatched kisses of approbation, 



53 



I thonglit {he "Pars-)ii" lie went liy 
(~)n liis wny to spend ''Vacation." 

But from these tliono-]jts T suddenly woke,- 

Pleasant dream it Avas to me , 

As my little Danirhter to me spoke 

And says '-Pa' get up to tea." 

And liavino- done justice to that meal 

Kei2:aled the inner nun. 

We all went out to milk the cows 

And Dan did lead the van. 



But ere T iairly had commenced. 

Oh how their tails did tly, 

And straio'htway with uneirino: aim 

They took me in tlie eye. 

And thono'h the sun was shininij: hriLcht 

All throno^h the window hars, 

I could distinctly, plainly see 

The "Twinklino; of the stars." 



And if they chanced to miss my "eye" 
Thouo'h they would scarcely eyei' fail, 
Then hackward in its comse 'twould come 
Co— slap into the pail. 
All reeking with this milky foam 
Then came what I did fear, 
And Avith a true unerring aim 
She "swashed" it in my oar. 



54 



I tli()iii;-]it oftliat fanatic fool 

Who l>y Ills close devotion 

Had ruined ]iis reason and Ixxly too 

In seekin_i- '-Peipetnal Motion/' 

And wished he weie tliere for a little vj[)ell— 

r know he w )!d(l have re-jovei'ed, 

For lie'd liaxe thonii'ht, he'd certainly got 

What ne'r had been discovered. 

Oh how I wish "my kicker'' was milked! 

I wish to the "Butcher" ["d sold her, 

And you may l»et I will, or call me a pill 

Before I am \'ery much older. 

But sighiuii; and wishing amounts to naught 

In this world's husy stiife, 

So down to "mv kicker" I inmiediatelv 2:<>t 

After saying "Good Bye" to Wife. 

'What are \ ou ahout?" I yelled quite loud 

With thoughts nii»h unto sinninji; 

"What ailsyour |)egs, keej* still your legs, 

J\ee[) down your under|)inning." 

She stood in a twice, as still as mice, 

And gently die wed her cud. 

From me not a word,tliej"e was nothing stii"rc(| 

Fxce[)t the milk's dull thud. * 

When quicker than a flash, there came a crash, 
Like the ]>anging of a door. 
The milk did fly and so did T, 
AIL sprawled u[)on the floor. 



55 



T gatheixMl my l)oiies np in a heap 
Placed tlieiii down on stable sill, 
And could yon haye seen my face iust then 
You'd thouficht I was niakinji: my " IIV//," 



And if that subject had been niy theme 

I giye to you my yow, 

That the man I liated the worst on earth 

I'd willed to him that cow. 

And the [a'incijial tenet of that "wilP' 

And tlie sole condition on whicli made, 

That he should milk lier ///vVr a (hiy 

While on this earth she stayed. 

The worst [)unished man in all this world 
This enemy of mine would haye been, 
He'd wished Satan had con.e from his ai>ode 
And took him to liye with him. 
States-iJiison would been a nlace of joy 
With rounds of pleasure Til allow, 
And hanging a "sweet sersation'' 
In place of milking 1 hat cow. 

^'DaUj" I cried in anguish tones, i 

•'My Stalwart Dan I trow, 

If you haye any conceit you can't l)e beat, 

Just try and iinish that cow. 

My bones are sore and so is my grit 

My neryes are all unstrung, 

And curses not few, my mind course tbrougli, 

Thouixh I've uttered ne'r a one." 



56 



^•\(>\\' Pxiss I \'()W, and do declare 

r>y all tliat's said and writ, 

'iliat wliatcvcr I tlion^'lit that von n.ioLt lack 

T iK'xer supposed it was ij^rit. 

Tliere iievei' was a cow in this hroad land 

Toniposed ot* inusele, liones and meat, 

That when once I was seated hy her side 

I)id evei' n.e nnseat. 

I will finish that eow for von my Bess 
I will, as I'm a man, 
And when she is (h)ne, as Xnnd)er One 
Von shall sij) the health of Dan." 
With nms-le of steel, and a heart of flint 
'Ihat in Herce fiii,-]it wonld ne\'er fail, — 
I>an seated hin;self hcside that eow, 
And the milk went l)nhl)linii' in the ['ail. 

Quiet rei^-ned supremOj like the gentle hill 

That follows in the wake of the di'ead stornTs 

hlast; 
A deathly stillness reiLi'ned o"ei" all 
As Dan ('o;itinned at his .task. 
The milk had almost ceased to 11 )W, 
'1 he finishing stroke was neai". 
When (inicker h\- far. than a ' sh(^otinir stai'" 
I )aM landed on his eai'. 

'•Grent GhosV lie cried, "Is it the Knd of Time? 
Has the Jndiiement certainly come? 
What is tliat roai'imi; in mv ear? 



57 




cf. "^ 



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Is it tlic 8 'ii;;(l of Truiiiiiet and Di-iim?" 

'I lieu into a liin] sy mass lie fell, 

'I lie coli.r iT'iii liis faei' <li(l <i,'(), 

And tlie ex{)ress;()n on his eountenance le t 

JU'Spoke liis Teal fill woe. 



58 



I Itont o'er liis still mid stalwait t'onii 

I stroked liis maiilv Idow, 

And as liis conscionsnoss did retiii n 

He gazed n|> to tliat ro/r. --, 

'•I swear by the KiiiLis of Satuiii 

By tlie red fared firev Mars. 

By all the Planets that in s[)ace levolve 

\)\ the Universe of stai's, — 

I)y all the ho\ini'S of the land 

That do earth's waters (nuitf, 

That there is '- J/Hjlitniiuf enoiiuh in that eow's 

hide 
To run the whole " l\li (jniph.''' 
If [ owned that <'ow myself ]>oss, 
Whether low in tliis world's goods or u}) 
Pd trade her oft' for something else 
If it was naught hut a '-poodle pup."' 

-'Dan, let otluus piate the gentleness 

Of our Yankee l)ovine raee, 

But you 11 agiee, I trust with me 

'lliat they'll de[>o; ulate our i"aee. 

People may talk ahont the Farmer, 

Of his eomforts and his joys, 

Of his merry lauiZ'hini'' milkmaids 

And liis jolly whistling hoys,— 



Of the breezy aii'of free(h)m 

That surround their eountry's home, 

As through the vales they ramble, 



59 



¥ 



Or o'er tbe hills they roam. 
But among all this joy and gladness 
There are some things that are sad 
Among all these days of goodness 
There is often one that's '' Bad.'' 



It was in July and Haying Time 

Just at the close of day, 

I had fed the pigs and done the chores 

And turned the cows away, 

The sun sank low in the distant west 

To sleep in- Morpheus' arm, ♦ 

And with its last departing ray 

Closed the "Bad Day On The Farm:' 

FINIS. 




00 



AGENTS 



Wantkj) in vvvvy town and county in the Uniti'd 
States to sell ''r.AD day on the farm." Send twenty- 
iive cents for- 'M'rositectns" and onttit and ij^o to work. 
Yon will tind it the best seillin^ ]5ook of the seasnn. 
It needs oidy to he shown to sell it. Saiu[>le e«>pies of 
*'BAi) itAV o\ Tin-; TAiiM,"' scut to any a(hliess post paid 
on reeei[)t of retail priee (50 ets.) fifty rents. Liher- 
al terms to aietits. ('oi-respondence s )lieited. All 
connnunifati )ns sh )uld he addressed to the Author, 
(wlio owns and conti-ols 'Jie whole husiness, havini:,- 
liired the printinii' of the sime at s > wwu-h ([ku- tli >n- 

Band.) 

M. F. BKNTLKY, 

C^uitoiu St. r.awrenee Co.. X. ^ . 



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